I strive to look as feminine as possible when I stand in front of a mirror. I’m applying artificial eyelashes and sketching on my eyebrows as usual. My eyebrows and eyelashes were sparsely affected by chemotherapy, but I still perform this daily ritual, which I also did before my cancer diagnosis, to remind myself and other people that I am still a woman.
I may have lost my ovaries, breasts, and uterus to cancer, but I will always be a woman, darn it, and I want a partner who will accept and adore me for who I am.
In 2017, I was 44 years old, a divorced mother of two, and I was given a breast cancer diagnosis. I didn’t feel like a whole person after undergoing a preventative hysterectomy, a left side mastectomy, ovaries removed, and then a right side prophylactic mastectomy. I found it difficult to accept that everything that gave me a feminine sense had vanished.
I learned of a photographer’s model call on social media two years after I was diagnosed with breast cancer. The photographer was looking for breast cancer survivors to participate in a photo shoot to raise money for a non-profit that supports cancer patients and their families. The resultant boudoir photo session gave me a seductive, self-assured, and cozy feeling.
It seemed like the right moment to go from being alone to finding a partner who would value my uniqueness. I was eager to put my boudoir images on my dating profile and felt good about myself, despite the advice from friends and family that dating sites are poisonous places.
“Look at me, I survived radiation, chemotherapy, and breast cancer, and I’m proud of myself,” was what I wanted to convey.
I mean, I’m still a warm-blooded woman who longs for a loving relationship. I wanted someone to be proud of, someone who could see me for who I truly was. someone who has survived.
